Peeling

Shedding Skin

by Haryette Mullen

Pulling out of the old scarred skin

(old rough thing I don't need now

I strip off

slip out of

leave behind)

I slough off deadscales

flick skinflakes to the ground

Shedding toughness

peeling layers down

to vulnerable stuff

And I'm blinking off old eyelids

for a new way of seeing

By the rock I rub against

I'm going to be tender again



The Chaff

 

It used to be that I thought I was the chaff...

that maybe because I had no notches on my belt

I would be burned up

when it came down to it.

What could I do to save myself
from this inevitable pending doom?

 I pretty much gave up on ever being able to fit in to the mold presented -

to be one who could preach with words the gospel of salvation to every and any body.

As I was presented with books that

provided patterns of verses

to guide me,

that I could write on paper

and keep in my pocket...

 

the guilt surmounted because of my inability
to follow what felt so fake to me.

I just wanted to be myself,but that did not seem to be enough,
and besides, I was going to be burned up.

I was a hopeless cause;

destined to be

that cursed fig tree.

It was necessary break away

from all of this -

the reinforcement of lies

that I would never be enough

to please the God who loves me.

 I had to hear His voice for myself

and read the message differently.

I read about how I was captivating

and listened over and over to songs

that told me I was loved. 

I had a hard time fully believing.

And I worried, still, that on the threshing floor

where I'd be winnowed,

I would eventually

be the smoke that withered.

But it turned out that,
as I kept reading it differently,

I couldn't get away from the truth.

In my mind,

tree branches are snapping -

dead tree branches

falling to pieces -

the untruths sitting within me.

 

I can see

the new life, green

sprouting up

underneath them,

and I know

the chaff was never me.

 A cursed fig tree, I will never be.

For He restores me, and renews my mind -

He who makes all things new.

The things that are dead

are things within me,

that He wishes to restore,

to transform,

to match with the glory

that is His, and His alone. 

 

He heats up His fire

not to break me,

but to mold me

and shape me,

into the beauty

He wants me to be.

Black Maria Film Fest 3 & 4

The third film shown at the Black Maria Film Festival on the evening my sister and I attended was Hip Priest, and the fourth was Be Filled With The Spirit.  John Columbus, the Black Maria's founder and director, explained that he purposely paired the one after the other, due to their spiritual content.  He did not go further into his exact reasonings but left attendees the freedom to wonder, and I like that.  I like things that make me think, and these films did that for sure.



Hip Priest, an almost thirty minute long film by Gregg De Dominico, is described in the program as "a gritty narrative in black and white shot in Brooklyn, NY.  The protagonist is an unorthodox street savvy clergyman who, in his way, ministers to the local denizens." 

On Kickstarter, Hip Priest is described as "a walking paradox.  A living contradiction.  This man is a priest.  They call him Priest."  Priest is played by Gerard McNamee, who is the General Manager of Manhattan's one and only Webster Hall. 

The Facebook description of this film includes the following:  "At the center of this world is Priest's 'bible', a self-made collection of words and images that have molded the energy inside him, which he dreams of sharing with the world. Ideas and anthems that have moved him and helped guide him through the hard edged days of life."  Priest's "Bible" included words from Alan Watt's The Wisdom of Insecurity, Henry Miller's Tropic of Capricorn, and Oscar Wilde's E Tenebris. 

I had no familiarity with any of these texts prior to viewing this movie.  The quote used at the end of the film could be deemed as offensive; it is from Henry Miller's book.  It makes me wonder what the drive behind the writing of words to express such disdain is. 

This film caused me think a lot and I don't think I'll be able to fully verbalize all the thoughts I have about it until I'm able to sit down and work through them in a discussion type setting with other thinking people, and who knows when or if that will ever happen.
 
I did think it interesting that the church's pews were always empty, yet the streets and bar and nightclub were full.  Priest went to these places, he went to the people.  He spoke words that meant something to him, and changes on faces were visible after they met with Priest. 

A quote that remains with me is from Priest's conversation with the widow after attending her deceased husband's viewing; it was about Priest's relationship with God as one in which they "tolerate each other." 

For more, you may view still photo shots from the film here or watch the whole film here.  The idea from this film was sparked by the photograph above, which is by Paul McDonough.  I found a few websites featuring his photos, here, here, and here.  And if you so please, sometime, tell me what you are thinking.





Be Filled With The Spirit was shown next, a social documentary by Milton Rogovin, whose artistry served to provide visibility and give credible memory to poor and working peoples in ten nations.
As described on Rogovin's website, "Be Filled With the Spirit is a dynamic look into the traditions of the black storefront churches as photographed by noted social documentary photographer, Milton Rogovin. Directed by Mark Rogovin."  In the festival's program, it is written that "this extraordinary film is a journey through time and the spirituals as recorded on site..."  It also "features an introduction and meaningful commentary" by the Dean of Howard University's School of Divinity. 

What this film does as a whole is make the viewer realize the importance of storefront churches, which is a subject that perhaps most people probably do not think much about?
I appreciated this film, and it was sentimental for me.  When I lived in Burlington, Vermont, I attended a storefront church for one year.  I became close with the people there and was part of the church family, singing harmony on the worship team, providing rides for Mother Ora (who I still keep in touch with), attending weekly Bible studies, working part-time as an administrative assistant.  Pastors Kwacha and Ron are still running the church and ministry, but have since moved on to a larger building (no longer a storefront).  I will always have an affinity to storefronts because of my experience there. 

And I will never forget how I came to attend that church, Hilltop Light... It was through Sister Clea's loving words and prayers reeling me in as she took the time to talk with me when she checked out on my cashier line at the Co-op.  She met me where I was at.

I'm grateful to the remembrance caused by this film, and to John Columbus' harmoniously orchestrated selection of both of these films in the evening's show.

~The Beauty of Change~

We are hemmed in, fences try to limit and hold back,

but change is relentless, it pushes through anyway

and change is unchanging at the very heart of its promise.

Fragmented, change comes in bits here and pieces there,

it frees us.  We peek through, see where we came from. 

The boldness of colors to come leads us on,

full-knowing our promises are better than what we see now. 

The dead leaves pile up,

to be swept away, for another year,

when we'll again, undoubtedly,

find ourselves beautifully changed,

through the gradual immersion that

merges the fragments of our lives, 

experiencing stages that blur distinctions

to be combined into one.

Romans 5:3 (The Message)

"There's more to come: 

We continue to shout our praise

even when we're hemmed in with troubles,

because we know how troubles

can develop passionate patience in us,

and how that patience in turn

forges the tempered steel of virtue,

keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. 

In alert expectancy such as this,

we're never left feeling shortchanged. 

Quite the contrary - we can't round up

enough containers to hold everything

God generously pours into our lives

through the Holy Spirit!"

Psalm 4:1 (Amplified Bible)

"You have freed me when I was hemmed in

and enlarged me when I was in distress..."