New Year, New Word

I have enjoyed having a word to focus on during each of the past two years: 

freedom

transform

Since June I've been pondering what my word for 2014 would be.  There are a few that I mulled around with before figuring out the one that was to become my focus.

Protect
Protect has been on my mind for a number of months.  I have felt the need to have less influence in my life, and less examples and standards to compare myself to. I have made my blog private; only a handful have access to read it.  It's this desire within me that needs protection in order to grow: to pull closer to those I truly love and who truly love me, to be okay with less in my life, to accept myself and my life as I am and as it is.  It's the need to protect myself from being even more sucked into the social media way of life.  It's the desire to for deeper connection with my closest friends and family.  For the fruition of these goals and desires, protection is a necessary step.

Write
There are stories I concoct in my head, weaving together true anecdotes with fiction, and my thoughts with created characters.  There are complex ideas and topics to eek out through writing, and I desire to take time regularly to write diligently.  Yet I am in no rush to get the writing done.  All the alone time and full concentration it requires are things I don't have at this point in my life, and I am alright with that. 

Truth
Then I considered truth because so many lies exist in the world and flood my mind.  I have to fight against them, and the way to do it is by standing on God's truth, keeping His truth ever present in sight....  (some of the biggest lies for me are that what I'm doing is worth nothing because I make no money, and other such depressing thoughts that I've fought for a long time...) 

Truth led to light which then became clear that it was the word for me in 2014.  It came up in the Jesus Calling devotional I'm reading, by Sarah Young. 

Light
Another thought is my need to be more lighthearted... To be more "light"...  to laugh more, smile more; to stop being so darn serious! 
I've been reading such good words in the devotional I have, "Jesus Calling."  There's much about resting in His Peace, experiencing His Presence...  These things it's a struggle to find the time to do...  when it looks like nothing is being accomplished when I'm fighting against my human desire and tendency to do more, more, more. 

From my journal:
As I turned the page to read today's devotional (on 12/17/13), I read, "As you rest quietly in My Presence, My Light within you grows brighter and brighter."  The kids are playing trains with wooden tracks on the floor.  It's been snowing on and off all day.  Our couch is comfy and we are listening to our Christmas music station on Pandora.  I made the dough for Molasses Crinkles; we'll bake them into cookies later.

It's all about having the right perspective, in order to succeed well with joy, and peace; it's all about looking at things differently, from God's perspective - allowing Him to shine light into all the spaces of my life and depths of my heart. 

My word for 2014:  LIGHT

2 Corinthians 4:6

"For God, who said, 'Light shall shine out of darkness,' is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face Christ." 

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

"For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

(And what are those things that reflect eternity?)...

This is what I will seek this year, and light leads and guides me, and as I sit in the presence of the Spirit of my God, who will fill me with light as I rest in His Peace.

Art Journal Pages

Pages from my art journaling journey...

(Prompts from left to right, clockwise:  1) My heart is surrounded...  2) I want to... but I don't know how...  3) The secret tool in my toolbox is...  4) It is time for me to...)

 

(Prompts from left to right, clockwise:  1) I am concocting a magic potion... 2) I am standing on... 

3) A little bird is sing to me...  4) I see art in...)

 

(Prompts from left to right, clockwise:  1) I will gift myself with...  2) I am holding out my hand to receive...  3) It feels daunting when I think about  4) Peaceful moment)

 

(Prompts from left to right, clockwise:  1) I am choosing to honor...  2) Focus, flow  3) I have emptied myself of...  4) The ghosts haunting me are...)

 

(Prompts from left to right, clockwise:  1) When I cannot... I feel so...  2) I haven always wanted to...  3) I wish I could be like...  4) My war color paint of choice is...)

 

(Prompts from left to right, clockwise:  1) I feel in pieces when...  2) To stay afloat I will... 

3) I will bubble over....  3) I can gift myself with...)

 

 

(From left to right, clockwise:  1, 2, 4) "You must enter the grays and blues," a quote from a book I read by Natalie Goldberg  3) I want to open the door marked...)

 

 

The art journaling journey has been therapeutic and although I haven't created pages in a while, I plan to continue to do it.  It has brought another layer and element into my journaling process, a process that has much meaning to me as I have been journaling avidly since I was a teenager.  Seeing my pages here helps me to see all that I've learned through the art journaling I have done thus far.  I appreciate all of this.

 

~Brianne

Rainbow Fabric

So thankful to have

found and bought

this fabric

 

 

What fun to play with the

colors of my dreams

in my land of enchantment.



Their Faces

Their faces filled with

 

joy, wonder, delight, and love -

 

I'll focus on You.

Haiku Community - Recuerda Mi Corazon

In Front of Me

"It is very difficult for us to comprehend and value our own lives. 

It is much easier for us to see things outside ourselves."

  Natalie Goldberg in Writing Down the Bones

 

 

I'll always be Brianne,

wife of my husband,

mother of my children,

child of God.

 



 

I'll always be an artist, a writer, a dreamer -

those are essential for me to be me.

 

There will be parts of me that are shed away,

making room for others to grow stronger -

and as I go through the changes,

I must resolve to accept all of me, lovingly.



A creation,

created,

and

creating -

that is me.

 

"I've come to understand that the creative process is not about creating something separate from myself; it's about creating WHO I AM.  I create myself through my creations."

Alison Strickland in Harvesting Your Journals

The Infinitesimal & Me

Sometimes I forget, you know? 

That I love the small things,

that the small things are what speak to me loudly.

I return to my blog to carve out space for me,

sculpt my reality,

offer to myself what no other place provides for me. 

I come here to remind myself of truths that I need to remember

and to highlight to myself who I am.

 

 

Does it make sense, to find a piece of the infinitesimal

glinting on the floor while vacuuming at day's end? 

And then to spend five to ten minutes photographing it to get it just right,

so it can be seen,

not overcome by its smallness

or washed out by bright light?

To take the tiny seriously; what does it take, really?

Oh, the reminder of my heart cry -

how I needed it so.

 

 

I need my art and I need this space for words and photography.  Last night I sat on the couch stitching my thread painting, and it is going to take many, many hours more until I can call it complete.  And then, and then - there are variations to do of "A Gift For You".  There will be one that looks more like a Claddagh symbol, with the heart shining in the middle.  There will be another that will have the hands placed beneath the heart, palms up.

(as I look at this picture, I realize how much more clearly photography allows me to see)

I love the worlds created in tiny spaces, such as Elisa Kleven does in her wonderful children's books, and the stories I read to my son - The Borrowers and The Littles.  I am enthralled by tapestries, and I love the unicorn series.  Stitches speak to me, and fiber art entices me.  I dream of creating tiny scenes with the little things I collect, placing them in mini frames or shadow boxes, and showcasing them on display.  I desire to blow up the macro photographs I take of teeny entities, making them huge and forcing them to be noticed.  I envision worlds in tiny spaces, such as this necklace charm I created out of wire and beads.  My three little birds.

“Do the little things.”

— St. David of Wales

This is my life work and this is a large part of who I am.  An embracer of the infinitesimal, a lover of the tiny.  Does what I am going to look like it matters?  No?  Then I am going to do it.  Yes?  Can I promise myself this?  It goes against the grain of the world, with its big ways.  To stay here at home with my children, while the NYC and Dubai size bigness loom on the horizon.  The dreams placed within me matter and have purpose in the world.  Will the world overlook them and me?  Probably.  Am I okay with that?  Yes, I think so.

My kids and I have been collecting postcards from the 50 states.  One we received from Oklahoma had information written on it stating that the state experiences thousands of small earth shakes each year.  My son and I were surprised to read this!  Most of these quakes are not strong enough to be felt, but they still occur there.  They don't usually lead to a larger earthquake, but the vibrations still must do something to affect the inner worlds of the people whose feet touch the ground above them.  Wouldn't you think?  How do I know the earth is not shifting beneath me?  After all, it is mustard seeds that move mountains, not huge machinery.  Big change comes from underground movements.  Big change stems from the tiny. 

Thread Painting

My attraction to the infinitesimal began after watching an Antique Roadshow episode that featured an 1819 Philadelphia School Girl Silk Embroidered Picture.  Since then, the infinitesimal has become one of my secret obsessions, with messages about its meaning scattered around the world for me to find and seek. 

That is why, when I found out that a Thread Painting course was being offered at Peters Valley, led by artist Missy Stevens, I had to go.

Thread painting is all about using tiny stitches to bring your image to life.  Using a punch thread needle, and the colors of your choice, you punch tiny holes into your fabric to create the image of your desire.  You can shade with your thread, create shadows, add brightness.  You can use metallic thread to cause sparkle and shine.  You can add beads to your piece.  There is such depth of creativity and freedom allowed through this medium, and *there are no rules*.

 

This piece is the lovely Gina's, an amazing artist who is currently working on her MFA.

This is Judy's, whose husband volunteers at Peter's Valley,

and whose son is an amazing woodworking artist. 

It turns out that Judy was secretly inspired by

his cityscapes in the creation of her piece.

Here is the wonderful Missy, working ingeniously on a piece she has been creating.

By the end of the workshop, I was able to complete as much as you see

on the piece on the left, which is mine. 

(The one on the right is Gina's.)

I love this form of art.  It speaks to me with depth on many levels.  The piece I am creating is called
"A gift for you" and is with the pink hands holding out a blue heart.  The background is a circular rainbow.  All this week, I've been stitching for an hour here, an hour there, or a few rows when I am able.  More has been added, but I will take time to write about it again more next week.  For now, this is an introduction and a record of memory of my beginnings with this unique technique.

Here is just a quick photo

of where I am at with my piece so far:

 



Peters Valley

Across the Delaware, a right turn beyond the bridge,

is a special place that is closer to my home

than the grocery store is.

 

Peters Valley Craft Center

 

 

I made the page above in my Freedom Journal,

using words and pictures from an outdated workshop schedule I'd had in my collage collection.

Looking back on it now, I realize that making the page fueled my desire to take a class there, made me see that I really needed to do it as something to take care of me.

 

 

It is to the left of the page that reminds me

"you are free to soul nurture."

So, soul nurture I did.

 

 

Tomorrow, I will write a post about the workshop I took.



For Sheri

 

 

This is a picture of Sheri Ann Messina,

who was my best friend from 1st grade,

when we met in Mrs. Gartiser's class

at Saint Bonaventure's School.

 

We lived down the street from each other,

and we had frequent playdates and sleepovers.

Our sisters were best friends, too.

 

The thing that was different about being best friends with Sheri more than any other friends we both had was that we did the craziest things together and had the most fun together.  We talked about the future and how we would be best friends forever, maybe even raising our families near each other when we grew up and got married.

 

We made hilarious cassette tape recordings of ourselves, such as the one pictured above.  We made an extra copy of this one, and my aunt still has it.  I was surprised to find this one in my box of old cassettes, but I still haven't listened to it.  I don't know why I can't yet.  I am still looking for my favorite pictures of us together.  I know they are in a photo album that is covered with blue flowered fabric, but I don't know where the photo album is.  Please pray that it'll show up soon.  I have been praying about that for a while now, and it still hasn't.

 

But there are many memories of Sheri in different places in the remnants of my childhood, such as the autograph book page shown above where she was the first to write a message.  And in the Flowers for a Friend book I have on my shelf, which I found right around the sixth anniversary of her death, in 1999.  It was the book I'd been searching for since I had gotten her a copy once and I wanted one for myself to remind me.  It seemed to just appear and it reminded me that Sheri was with me, always in my heart.

 

This year I am doing something to honor my best friend.  I am planning to participate next weekend in an Out of the Darkness walk sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.  My fundraising webpage is here:

Brianne's Fundraising Webpage

I would be oh so grateful if you would donate towards my fundraising goal.  It has been nineteen years since Sheri's death, and I am finally doing something to outwardly to honor her life and her memory.  Our friendship meant the world to me, and Sheri's memory will always live strongly in my heart. 

 

 

Here is a poem I wrote for Sheri in 1997,

when I was seventeen years old.

I had a friend once who was my very best

The times we shared together were better than the rest

When she left I felt that my childhood was over

So many years of growing up and I didn’t even know her

Confusion struck me hard,

Things were no longer what I knew

Everything I once believed was now far from true

These times made me stronger, made me see a different light

I will never forget my best friend,

The one who took her life

Wherever I go she is on my mind

Forever & ever – I leave nothing behind

7/10/1997

 

Thank you for your support.

 

~Brianne