this is my offering...

Sunday, January 25, 2015

LIGHT - Year in Review

My word for 2014 was LIGHT.

I did not sculpt my word out of wire as had been my practice for my words in the past -

I did order a canvas from my friend Anna to represent my word, which I placed on the wall above my stove,
so I see it daily while I am cooking.

Anna shared a message with me about my word and this piece:

"When I see a picture of a sunrise/sunset, I honestly don't know which it is. It depends on where you are. And sometimes when we go through changes, we don't know. Is this the beginning or the end of the light? In life, I wonder if there is one destiny. For some people, change can be the end. Other people choose to make transitions the beginning. I believe that light or darkness are no inevitabilities, but rather something we choose and we chase."

She took her time in deciding what to create for me. She waited for inspiration to come to her, then created this image authentically.

My blog was very quiet this year - I did not feel inspired to share much here. I have continued to change my settings from private to public to only certain readers, and back to private again. What I have shared beyond a couple of posts about light has been kind of depressing. You would think that my year of LIGHT would be full of BRIGHT SHINING LIGHT.

(this photo and the ones below are pictures i took from my front window of the "supermoon")

The kind of light I experienced
wasn't the gleaming light that blinds a person.

It wasn't the kind of draining sun
that evaporates all the water and causes parched thirst.

It wasn't a scorching summer sun
that burns the skin and dries up the land.

As I reflect on this, I have tears in my eyes. I am taking deep breaths as I realize how truly meaningful my quiet year of light has been. I have sat with the deep seated melancholy & infinite sadness that has been part of me since I was so much younger. Through it all, the light has been consistent. It is there even when the clouds cover it. It reaches into the deepest part of my being, even when it glows as subtly as the sliver of a crescent moon or becomes blurred by movement.

I feel like I have just been waiting. Patiently at times, not so patiently at others. Angry sometimes, pleading for something to break through. Sad other times, fighting to genuinely smile.

There were many sad things in 2014, especially as the year came to an end. Sad things that happened to people in our community, hard things that happened to people we know.

We pretend to wear shields, but when things happen it chinks into our armor and pierces our vulnerability.

I found myself crying out "what the * is this life!?" many times.

As I reflect, it wasn't the year I was expecting, but I have a feeling that it's going to end up being one of the most important years of my life. A year of deep growth, and rooting. I have the image of a seed that lies deep underground, soaking in the warmth and important elements in the light rays that seep and penetrate through the darkness of layers of dirt, coaxing those life elements that exist inside to emerge

because of the existence of everlasting, consistent LIGHT.

There are two instrumental songs that have stuck out to me specifically while listening to songs play on one of my Pandora stations. They both are about LIGHT. Here are the YouTube videos that are my favorite choices to accompany the music.

"Where the LIGHT Gets In"

This video shows a choreographed dance from the top 10 dancers of a season of "So You Think You Can Dance," one of my favorite shows. The choreography is by Travis Wall, who creates beautiful contemporary dances. I did not see this before searching on YouTube recently for a video to accompany this song by Sennen, so I was happily surprised to see this gorgeous dance here.

They Move on Tracks of Never Ending Light
This video is full of beautiful images to accompany the music. There are lots of glimpses of light here.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Light

Here are some of the words I read in that devotional which led me to realize, and continue to reinforce, that "light" is the word for me to focus on this year:

"Like a luminous veil of Light, I hover over you and everything around you."

"Talk with Me about everything, letting the Light of My Presence shine on your hopes and plans. Spend time allowing My Light to infuse your dreams with life, gradually transforming then into reality."

"Emotional and physical healing are enhanced by your soaking in the Light of My Presence."

"As you rest quietly in My Presence, My Light within you grows brighter and brighter."

"I am the Light from on high that dawns upon you, to guide your feet into the way of Peace."

"As you wait attentively in My Presence, the Light of the knowledge of My Glory shines upon you. This radiant knowledge transcends all understanding. It transforms every fiber of your being; renewing your mind, cleansing your heart, invigorating your body. Open yourself fully to My Presence; be awed by My glorious being."

"Walk in the Light with Me, and you will reflect me to the watching world."

"Things that most people hardly notice, like shifting shades of sunlight, fill you with heart bursting Joy. You have eyes that see and ears that hear, so proclaim My abiding Presence in the world."

"Let the Light of My Presence soak into you, as you focus your thoughts on Me."

"Because I am your constant companion, there should be a lightness to your step that is observable to others."

"When you view events from this perspective - through the Light of My universal Presence - fear loses its grip on you."

Personal Note: I love how this devotional is written as if God speaking to reader. What boldness! It is full of bright light.

"Seek My Face, speak to Me, and I will light up your mind."

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

New Year, New Word

I have enjoyed having a word to focus on during each of the past two years:

freedom

transform

Since June I've been pondering what my word for 2014 would be. There are a few that I mulled around with before figuring out the one that was to become my focus.

Protect
Protect has been on my mind for a number of months. I have felt the need to have less influence in my life, and less examples and standards to compare myself to. I have made my blog private; only a handful have access to read it. It's this desire within me that needs protection in order to grow: to pull closer to those I truly love and who truly love me, to be okay with less in my life, to accept myself and my life as I am and as it is. It's the need to protect myself from being even more sucked into the social media way of life. It's the desire to for deeper connection with my closest friends and family. For the fruition of these goals and desires, protection is a necessary step.

Write
There are stories I concoct in my head, weaving together true anecdotes with fiction, and my thoughts with created characters. There are complex ideas and topics to eek out through writing, and I desire to take time regularly to write diligently. Yet I am in no rush to get the writing done. All the alone time and full concentration it requires are things I don't have at this point in my life, and I am alright with that.

Truth
Then I considered truth because so many lies exist in the world and flood my mind. I have to fight against them, and the way to do it is by standing on God's truth, keeping His truth ever present in sight.... (some of the biggest lies for me are that what I'm doing is worth nothing because I make no money, and other such depressing thoughts that I've fought for a long time...)

Truth led to light which then became clear that it was the word for me in 2014. It came up in the Jesus Calling devotional I'm reading, by Sarah Young.

Light
Another thought is my need to be more lighthearted... To be more "light"... to laugh more, smile more; to stop being so darn serious!
I've been reading such good words in the devotional I have, "Jesus Calling." There's much about resting in His Peace, experiencing His Presence... These things it's a struggle to find the time to do... when it looks like nothing is being accomplished when I'm fighting against my human desire and tendency to do more, more, more.

From my journal:
As I turned the page to read today's devotional (on 12/17/13), I read, "As you rest quietly in My Presence, My Light within you grows brighter and brighter." The kids are playing trains with wooden tracks on the floor. It's been snowing on and off all day. Our couch is comfy and we are listening to our Christmas music station on Pandora. I made the dough for Molasses Crinkles; we'll bake them into cookies later.

It's all about having the right perspective, in order to succeed well with joy, and peace; it's all about looking at things differently, from God's perspective - allowing Him to shine light into all the spaces of my life and depths of my heart.

My word for 2014: LIGHT

2 Corinthians 4:6

"For God, who said, 'Light shall shine out of darkness,' is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face Christ."

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

"For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

(And what are those things that reflect eternity?)...

This is what I will seek this year, and light leads and guides me, and as I sit in the presence of the Spirit of my God, who will fill me with light as I rest in His Peace.