Tremendously Free

 

Imagine:

not just free,

as if that is not enough,

but TREMENDOUSLY free.

What a word.

 

That is what I read recently in a book I've had on my shelf for years, and wanted to finally trade to get some more credits on Paperbackswap.  I thumbed through it before posting, because I saw someone had it as a wish reserve, meaning it'd be requested right away.  So glad I did that because what words.  (The book is Addicted to Mediocrity: 20th Century Christians and the Arts, by Frankie Schaeffer)

 

I found what I needed to find:

 

On page 39:  "Creativity, human worth, the arts, cultural endeavor, the media, communication, enjoyment of beauty and creativity in others, enjoyment of our own creativity... God's creativity - all of these need no justification... This, like so much of biblical teaching, brings tremendous freedom - not guilty, backward looking fear, but freedom. Freedom that is brought through Christ's redemption, to go fuller, to go deeper, to go broader, to enjoy more - not to go narrower and narrower into an ever-shrinking hyped up gloomy little world of spiritual experience."

 

"You are tremendously free, you are the most free, for you have form on which to build your freedom, you know who you are... you know that you and your talent will live forever." (p.60)

"May we have the courage to reject and abandon the mediocrity of the church today and stand alone if need be...  May our Christianity be a freeing experience, not an ideological burden.  May we experience a freedom from guilt feelings, a willingness to take risks, make mistakes, but above all to live the life God has given us..." (p.65)

To this I can say hallelujah.

For Sheri

 

 

This is a picture of Sheri Ann Messina,

who was my best friend from 1st grade,

when we met in Mrs. Gartiser's class

at Saint Bonaventure's School.

 

We lived down the street from each other,

and we had frequent playdates and sleepovers.

Our sisters were best friends, too.

 

The thing that was different about being best friends with Sheri more than any other friends we both had was that we did the craziest things together and had the most fun together.  We talked about the future and how we would be best friends forever, maybe even raising our families near each other when we grew up and got married.

 

We made hilarious cassette tape recordings of ourselves, such as the one pictured above.  We made an extra copy of this one, and my aunt still has it.  I was surprised to find this one in my box of old cassettes, but I still haven't listened to it.  I don't know why I can't yet.  I am still looking for my favorite pictures of us together.  I know they are in a photo album that is covered with blue flowered fabric, but I don't know where the photo album is.  Please pray that it'll show up soon.  I have been praying about that for a while now, and it still hasn't.

 

But there are many memories of Sheri in different places in the remnants of my childhood, such as the autograph book page shown above where she was the first to write a message.  And in the Flowers for a Friend book I have on my shelf, which I found right around the sixth anniversary of her death, in 1999.  It was the book I'd been searching for since I had gotten her a copy once and I wanted one for myself to remind me.  It seemed to just appear and it reminded me that Sheri was with me, always in my heart.

 

This year I am doing something to honor my best friend.  I am planning to participate next weekend in an Out of the Darkness walk sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.  My fundraising webpage is here:

Brianne's Fundraising Webpage

I would be oh so grateful if you would donate towards my fundraising goal.  It has been nineteen years since Sheri's death, and I am finally doing something to outwardly to honor her life and her memory.  Our friendship meant the world to me, and Sheri's memory will always live strongly in my heart. 

 

 

Here is a poem I wrote for Sheri in 1997,

when I was seventeen years old.

I had a friend once who was my very best

The times we shared together were better than the rest

When she left I felt that my childhood was over

So many years of growing up and I didn’t even know her

Confusion struck me hard,

Things were no longer what I knew

Everything I once believed was now far from true

These times made me stronger, made me see a different light

I will never forget my best friend,

The one who took her life

Wherever I go she is on my mind

Forever & ever – I leave nothing behind

7/10/1997

 

Thank you for your support.

 

~Brianne

 

Life Dance

My favorite show by far is So You Think You Can Dance on FOX.  It's almost at the end of its ninth season.  The dancers captivate me as I watch them, and the choreographies are impressive.  Lately I have been writing down some of the thoughts this show stirs within me, as well as some of the quotes by the judges.

The collage pictured above is one I made with pictures of dancers that I found in my collection of collage materials.  I hung it up behind my desk so I could see it when I sit to write.  I would like to focus on why dance has such meaning for me, and dig deeper into the messages that coincide with the dance of life.

There is something special about the dancers who have their own style and quirkyness.  They bring all of themselves to the dance floor, knowing who they are and not being afraid to show it.  The dancers who are fluid in their ability to move carry versatility; they are able to take on whatever situation they are put into and handle it with grace.  When the dancer lives and breathes the music, she is able to become an embodiment of the piece - the soul of emotion, the music - and for those few minutes, another dimension is experienced. 

Trust is an essential element in the best dances.  When the dance partners trust each other, and when the dancers trust their choreography, they are able to allow themselves to be thrown fully into the routine, even if the dance throws them off-kilter.  When they go full on into it, no matter what it holds, it becomes a thing of brilliance and beauty. 

There is something about being surrendered to the dances that allows vulnerability to show through and gives the audience the opportunity to truly connect with the dancers.  When the audience is able to connect with the dancers on an emotional level, they can get through to the top - even without being the best dancer technically.  Technicality is not what matters most.  Perfection is thrown out the door.  It's about being able to realize that sometimes getting as into the routine as you need to in order to show your commitment to the piece sometimes means that you're going to have to beat yourself up pretty badly.  It's not always going to look pretty, as was explained about the piece Addiction, choreographed by Mia Michaels.

This show provides such a learning experience for me that I desire to carry over into life.  Strong messages are spoken of how I would like my Life Dance to be.  I want to be able to let it all out, let go of the baggage, "stop dancing with all the baggage," as the judges have encouraged some of the dancers to do.  I want to let loose and show emotion, show who I am in my daily moments.  I want to give something raw and uninhibited...  The dancers who push their limits and break down the walls are the ones who leave the biggest impressions and create the most unforgettable moments.

Enchantment

Just about a ten minute walk away,

past the lamposts reminiscent of worlds

beyond the wardrobe,

is a special place

where blue herons wade

and otters play.

 

 

 

It's a place of enchantment.

A place where poetry fills the air

and blossoms from below.

 

 

I bend down low, and listen.

 

Life teems in the stillness,

bubbles from beneath.

Breath is released,

water ripples.

Puffs of fluff, like promises,

reminders of hope

as fog lifts from the surface.

 

 

Happy wildflowers smile,

dewdrops on leaves,

beautiful and free.

 

Here, I sit with me.

Pouch for dreams -

soft, sky color -

a place to collect

and carry.

 

 



Swirls of life

abide,

reside.

 



 

With the layers

stripped away

in this place,

exposed

is a heart

with wings.

 

 

 

sharing with Clytie, too,

because there's a heart here