There are some things that trained eyes have the ability to see, and no one else can. Such as the beginning of a disease on a seemingly healthy tree, as noticed by a dendrologist.
While untimely deaths are never welcomed by the loved ones who have no choice but to accept their losses, suicides are a particularly hard breed to handle. They come with their own set of dimensions and what ifs and could haves and blames.
On Saturday, I did the Out of the Darkness walk for Sheri, and as I pushed my girls along the four miles, catching glimpses of light on the lake's water between trees, I had time to think. The trained senses of a mentor noticed something in me as I spoke to her about Sheri recently.
A five word phrase was what she spoke to me: "You need to forgive her."
Simple words that move mountains.
How can it be that I did not forgive my best friend?
The truth stuck like a square peg in a round hole.
One of the knots in my fibers, seen and being pulled free.
The freedom to forgive, a pin pointed revelation to scrape away barnacles of old.
It is fitting that the freedom to forgive would be a truth
that found me this year of my freedom pursuit.
I have realized the need to forgive myself;
I have realized that I need to forgive Sheri.
I do believe it is true that we know not what we do.
Forgiveness is a balm, a salve,
and within its power lies restoration
and freedom.
What do I want to train my eyes to see?
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